9 Life Lessons from 2022

“What did you learn this year?” I’ve found myself asking this question this week as I met up with friends and mentees. As is my practice now (eight years counts as a practice, right?), I reserve some time to sit with and sift through the past year. In this type of reflection, I am generally able to glean some lessons about life that then direct my trajectory the following year.

If last year was about noticing, this year was about being intentional. This year saw the greatest shift in how I live my life. After younger family members were vaccinated over the summer, I began to explore in-person experiences again. I met a ton of new people in my community. I’ve been playing more music and have been mentoring younger communities. I did a bit of local travel. And of course I had a six-week sabbatical, which combined with our summer shutdown, turned into a blissful seven and a half weeks off work.

Yet at the same time, this year has also seen some profound challenges in my friend group. Cancer. Close friends and family members in medical crises. Burnout and exhaustion. Grief and loss. Anxiety. Lack of direction. This, too, has been a part of this year’s landscape, particularly in the latter half of the year.

If nothing else, the pandemic taught me more about embracing the complexity of life, sitting in uncomfortable places, and walking alongside others through seasons of great joy and also great despair.

So with that, here are my lessons from 2022.

#1 Schedule your important connections

Over the past few years of mentoring, I’ve developed a personal system for ensuring I follow up with those on my list. At the end of each discussion, I talk about when I should next meet up with them. In my personal calendar, I keep a list of future commitments by month, and put that person’s name on the list to schedule in.

This year, I added personal friends into the list. I’ve set up hikes, had phone conversations, video conferences, and other opportunities to connect with people near and far. I have coffee hour conversations with coworkers I don’t work with on a day to day basis. Just as with exercise, relationships also need consistency, and this small practice has helped me feel more connected with a larger group of people.

#2 Actively engage and follow up

At the same time, I’ve expanded my network of casual connections. Some of my activities often have breaks between sets, and those are great opportunities to chat with people I don’t know as well. I’ve made it a practice to strike up conversation, introduce myself, and have a longer, more significant interactions. These serve as foundations for the next conversation or social media interaction, and I’m beginning to form new friendships through these opportunities.

#3 Continue to guard your health

My father once shared wisdom my grandfather had passed down to him. “There are three things always worth spending a little more on: your health, your education, and your sleep.” As I take a look at this strange interim stage we’re in — still in the midst of a global pandemic, but out and about in the world — I’m reminded that certain things are worth sacrificing a little for in order to increase my chances of great long term outcomes. I keep this in mind as I continue to calculate the relative risk of a variety of activities.

#4 Slow down and enjoy the little things

One of my cats has turned into the quintessential lap cat: whenever I’m sitting down, she’ll want to be in my lap. Couch, office chair, floor — it doesn’t matter, she’ll want to be there, chin on my wrist. (It’s very awesome. I do recognize how lucky I am.) I’ve learned that if I can enjoy the present moment, my life will feel more fulfilling than if I’m going from one grand thing to another. As someone who tends to constantly be in motion, the reminder to sit and enjoy is one that I frequently need.

This is not my cat

#5 Create community around you

I was talking about community with one of my younger friends who was looking for a new group of people to do life with. After she shared, I challenged her: “Sure, you could go out and try to find the right group, but you could also create a group around yourself.” I firmly believe that everyone has the capacity of becoming that center of gravity; you just declare it to be so and begin inviting people in.

#6 People will push you because they love you

I’m getting better at receiving feedback, but it’s still not easy. The people-pleasing impulse is hard to escape, and hearing areas for improvement often triggers a deep hurt. However, I’ve begun to frame this type of feedback as a type of love. (Side note: not all feedback is applicable or comes from a place of love.)

I need to remind myself that the feedback from people I trust should be mined for the kernel of truth, and viewed through the lens of someone who truly wants me to succeed.

#7 Cling to sustainability and rest

The theme of burnout bubbled up earlier this year, especially among those in the tech world. From existential crises to the overall feeling of overwhelming stress, our entire community seemed to gas out in the spring. My own processing of this phenomenon resulted in a long-form essay that spoke of the necessity for rest (“An overachiever’s guide to rest,” April 2022). This essay resonated deeply with the thousands who read it.

As much as this essay was for others, it was also a reminder to myself to prioritize and value rest as a part of every season of life. Busy-ness, especially in a season of reopening and reconnection, is tempting. But I have to remember to monitor my energy and say “no” when I need to. I’m getting marginally better at this, but there’s still room to grow here.

#8 Reflection is a superpower

I continue to lean into various practices of reflection, forcing myself to pause, process, and often grapple with the inner struggle of reconciling what happened with what I wanted to happen. This internal work is deeply personal, and requires an openness and honesty that took quite a bit of practice to embrace.

The processing and conclusions I come to through this activity often ends up applying immediately to other areas of my life, such as work. Some of my conclusions are shareable. Some are deeply private and often have to do with my own personal growth.

I’ve been sharing what I can in order to inspire others into their own reflection practices, knowing that this type of activity spurs personal growth. (“Weekly reflections of a product manager (2022 edition),” December 2022)

#9 A few small purchases can go a long way

This year, I purchased two things that were quickly integrated into daily life. I have no idea why I’d put off these purchases for so long, but now that I’ve made them, I’m pretty happy I did.

• Dishpan — My family never used a dishpan growing up, but I purchased a little tub this year that gets half-filled with soapy water at the beginning of the day. During the course of the day, I throw dirty dishes and utensils into the tub and add more water to cover, and the food just never clings and crusts. As a result, dishes are a lot faster to do.
• Divided laundry hamper — After literally years of having a single hamper and two additional piles of dirty laundry (because I pre-sort my laundry), I upgraded to a three-part divided laundry hamper. My closet looks like it got an upgrade overnight.

As I look back on the past eight years of annual reflections, I see a larger pattern emerging. After seasons of growing pains and enduring came seasons of hope and flourishing. And in all seasons, there has been joy and grief, exertion and rest, exuberant noise and silence, connection and solitude. This is the complexity and the paradoxical beauty of human existence.

In the midst of whatever season you’re in, I hope that your 2023 is filled with meaning, growth, peace, and joy.

• 2021 — noticing
• 2020 — paradox of blessing and suffering
• 2019 — people over process
• 2018 — reaping the rewards of investments made
• 2017 — growing pains
• 2016 — transformation
• 2015 — pivot

Elaine is a senior product manager at Adobe. You can find her on Twitter at @elainecchao. All statements in this essay are her own and do not reflect the opinions of her employer.

Photo credits

• Petting cat photo by Yerlin Matu on Unsplash
• Monthly calendar photo by Eric Rothermel on Unsplash